“Abel, come into the bathroom, Mommy wants to teach you something” sitting on the side of the bathtub Lori waited for Abel to waddle into the room, his smile shining away my worries.
“What’s up momma?” Abel’s four year old body shook with laughter at his new vernacular. His pants bulged from the pull-ups he was wearing underneath.
“Today is going to be the day you finally pee in the potty Abel,” finishing the sentence, Abel’s face broke into a frown. Every time Lori breached this subject Abel closed up, putting a wall in-between them.
“Come on baby, the first step is easy. You open the toilet seat, and pull down your pants” Lori squirmed at pushing her son to do something he didn’t want to do. Abel crossed his arms, mirroring the look Lori had given him hundreds of times before. Lori mimicked him, letting him know she meant business. At times like these Lori wondered whether her father was right. If discipline and fear were the way to raise children, and not the lovey-dovey bullshit she had been feeding Abel for the past four years.
“Mommy, I do not want to do this” an adult voice came out of Abel’s body, hitting Lori like a brick in the face. He had learned early on that Lori respected direct statements, that Lori didn’t tolerate whining. Even though he was four, Abel knew how to treat his mother.
“Abel, we’re doing this” her serious voice clicked on, Abel pushed up the toilet seat, stepped up on the platform Lori had created for him and pulled down his stretch waist dinosaur pajama pants. Lori remembered her father telling her that when she had kids, she would see, she would see that he wasn’t such a terrible father after all. After four years, she still didn’t see, she still thought the blood faced rage parenting was wrong, she still thought the spit hurtling yelling and suffocating control parenting was shit. But whenever a hiccup emerged, she double checked with herself.
“Ok Abey, now you sit down, and you go. Easy as pie!” Abel’s face squirreled into disbelief, but he sat down all the same. There was a tinge of fear growing in his eyes. Lori felt her body sink. The tinkling of Abel’s urine hitting the toilet water began. The fear looked just like the fear that used to be in her brother’s eyes. They had the same eyes already, and now they shared the look of fear that was engraved into Lori’s head. Lori’s stomach lurched, she didn’t know if she wanted to know the answer, but she had to ask the question.
“Honey, why are you scared? Am I scaring you?” Anxiety filled Lori’s body, tightening her skin, making her feel like glass about to shatter.
“Mommy, don’t be dumb. Tony Abott told me that alligators are in the sewers. And mommy, sewers connect to the toilet! Lemme get up before the alligators come!” Abel wriggled off the seat. Relief flushed through Lori’s system, and laughter dripped out of her.
“Mom, alligators are not funny.” Abel crossed his arms again, staring down at Lori.
“Abe, there are no alligators in the sewers, and even if there were, they wouldn’t be able to get up to our toilets! Babe, your butt will not get bitten by an alligator. Now wipe, pull up your pants and wash your hands.”
“Thanks mommy,” Abel eyebrows softened, his arms wrapped around Lori’s neck. All thoughts of her father disappeared, and satisfaction took it’s place. Things would be good until the next hiccup.
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